Because names are important and we should only be called what we want to be called.
When we got pregnant, each and every time, choosing a name was difficult. Daniel and I never agreed. He would suggest a name and in an instant my mind would associate it with a former student or I would unintentionally create a story for the name. He liked names that in my mind were meant for arrogant, popped collar wearing teenage boys who were too cool for school. I liked a name and he told me we could never use it because it was a former classmate and he ate the paste.
You see, names and their associations are powerful and lasting. You can't mess around with name choice. My grandma says it's truly the only choice we get to make for our kids, because once they're out they're in charge of their own lives (whether we want to admit it or not).
Oliver's name was really a gift from Daniel to me. Because I wanted it all along, felt it was right from the beginning. It was weird too because I always thought I'd want a name with meaning or connection to someone I loved. Oliver was just a name I liked, it always just felt like it was his. But Daniel never warmed to it really, so we came up with lists of other names. And when people asked us what his name was we said we were waiting to meet him. Unless they asked me when Daniel wasn't around. And then I told him that his name was Oliver. I knew, well hoped, eventually Daniel would see that I was right. After we found out the baby had died and we delivered him, Daniel looked at him and said, "he looks like an Oliver." In a hazy whirlwind of tragedy, naming Oliver always stands out as a moment of clear and present true love.
When we got pregnant with our second son, we were no better at agreeing on the names than the first go 'round. But around the middle of pregnancy I started becoming attached to the name Sam. In my mind Sam was comfortable and warm, like a favorite cozy sweater you've been wearing for years. (For the record, my loving husband thought my description and reasoning was crazy.)
And it happened to be the name of one of my favorite humans on the planet. My cousin Sam.
When it became more certain, I knew I needed to check with Sam (who will henceforth be known as Girl Sam, because that's what my kid calls her) to make sure she didn't mind sharing her name. It was a split second conversation because she is awesome and generous and, really, who wouldn't want a kid named after them?
In the months that followed, I became even more enamored with the name. (Though we pretended not to have decided, because what if he came out and didn't look like a Sam? People who have names that don't match their personality or body freak me out.)
Anyone who knows Girl Sam can understand why having her as your namesake can only bring you good things. Girl Sam is smart. Naturally smart and brilliant and quick minded. But in a quiet, calm way that isn't in your face about it. Even more important, she's super dedicated. She puts herself full force into whatever she chooses. Her classes, her extra curriculars, her friendships, her family. She is the go-to family babysitter because, in addition to the smarts and dedication, she's more responsible than her age ever required. And, not for nothin', the kids totally love her. You should see the kids when she walks into the room.
I couldn't wait for my kid to inherit all the greatness that came with the name. To balance out the responsibility and level headedness rooted in Sam, we used my brother's name as Boy Sam's middle. And to this day he is equal parts Sam and Patrick. Wicked smart and uncontrollable (I mean that in a good way, mostly). Sweet and totally hilarious. Loving and so, so stubborn.
By the third kid, we still couldn't agree. Because now in addition to having completely different taste in names, with three boys in a row we were just running out of options.
Eli's name was truly not decided until he came out of my body, because all the names we had planned were for brunette babies (yeah names are hair color specific in my mind, deal with it) and they all got thrown by the wayside when he came out Billy idol blonde.
But his middle name had been set for months. We loved the idea of using family names for middle names but this third time we couldn't seem to find one that felt right. We had honored Daniel's maternal grandfather with Oliver's middle name Martin. And of course Sam had Patrick. This time we kept tossing around family names but none of them really stuck. Until I realized family isn't just limited to blood relations. And I thought of people who meant something to us, and who had traits I wanted my kid to possess. And then it was obvious.
Ciara is about as close to family as you can get without blood. In fact, it's hard to describe who Ciara (and her family) is in our life because there's no one word that describes it. Friend seems insufficient. Ciara is the granddaughter of longtime family friends, she is the daughter of two of the best teachers I've ever had the privilege of learning under, and I started babysitting Ciara when she was six. But truthfully she could take care of herself better than I ever could. In reality, she would make me dinner when I was supposed to be watching her. And now fourteen years later, I continue to add to our list of who Ciara is to me. I can add: former housemate, bridesmaid, babysitter of my children, concert-movie-tv-binge-watching partner. And namesake for my third kid. Elliot Ciaran Gensler.
(And yes it brings my feminist heart great joy that my boys are named after two strong kickass young women.)
Ciaran would have been his first name too, because it could totally be a blonde name, and fit the all important six letter rule. But I believe in nickname potential, and unfortunately Ciaran doesn't really have any. Nicknames are important too. Because I like the idea that my kid has a choice. Sam calls himself Sammy. And who knows what Eli will prefer. Maybe he's a more formal fellow and will choose Elliot in the future.
I can't wait to see. Because names are such an important part of who we are. To ourselves and everyone around us.
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