runaway sam

Sam packed his pillowcase today. Filled it up halfway with a small pillow, blanket, stuffed animal, two pairs of pajamas and underwear and twisted it up to the top so he could throw it over his shoulder. The drama of it all. He was leaving, he told me, because his brother “is just a big ball of meanness” and he needed to go “somewhere where no one is annoying” him. 

I told him no, he’s not going anywhere. For one thing, we’re sheltering in place so it’s not an option. Two, it’s my job to take care of him and I can’t do that if he’s gone, so for the next eleven and a half years he’s stuck with us. 

He begs to differ. 

We snuggled for a bit because he “wanted to soak up every last second” with me before he left. We did sympathy for a while and talked about how frustrated he feels and what could we do to change the situation here instead of abandoning ship. Then we did empathy and I talked about how I used to pack bags when I was a kid too. I told him what a terrible roommate my sister was and how she used to torture me for kicks. (But left out specifics, because the last thing that kid needs is ideas.) 

He listened patiently, snuggled tightly. 

And nevertheless he persisted, framing everything for the following hour around his imminent departure. 

“I need to eat something...before I leave.” 

“Can you get me a nightlight that doesn’t need to be plugged in? For when I’m gone.” 

I maybe blasted Leaving On A Jet Plane from my phone. 

He was not amused. 

He grabbed his packed pillowcase and walked towards the front door. Opened it. Bleary eyed and determined. 

I turned him around and we snuggled back up in the chair. He repeated, “I’m leaving. I don’t want to live in this house anymore.” 

So I did the only thing left I could do, I lifted him off my lap and pointed to the door. 

“Okay. Leave.” 

He sobbed. Back in the lap. 

The feelings are big with this one. And while I knew this milestone was coming eventually, I have to imagine our current circumstances fast forwarded its arrival. 

Who doesn’t want to run away right now? Who isn’t desperate for a change of scenery and a new cast of characters?? I don’t blame him. 

And if I’m being honest, it filled me with nothing but pride and laughter when he laid the news on me, so determined and sincere, his earnestness overflowing. A milestone for him and a level up in parenting for me. 

He hasn’t mentioned it since the final sobbing so I think he’s sticking with us for the foreseeable future. I hope so. Because if he threatens to run away again, I just might join him. 

don’t know when I’ll be back again